ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
