This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
