I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
