3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
