i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
