haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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