Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
