Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
