apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
