He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
