The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
