where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
