I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
