Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
