it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
