i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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