You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
