I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
