Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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