i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
