Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
