the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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