dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
