after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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