I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
