At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
