before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
