I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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