So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
