Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
