I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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