Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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