Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
