Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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