alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
