Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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