Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
