good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
