i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
