he puts the penis in happiness.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
