My friends, they love my intelligence
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm determined to sit on that face.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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