You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
