Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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