And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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