I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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