Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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