omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
