I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Rumble strips road head = magical
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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