mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
