I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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