Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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