This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
