But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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