I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
